Costco Launches “Stay Warm, Stay Safe” Initiative

BREAKING NEWS: 6/8/2021 Costco Wholesale Corporation (COST) Managing Director Walter Phillips announces new “Stay Warm, Stay Safe” initiative to be launched across select east coast warehouses beginning Friday, June 11th, 2021.

Costco’s annual Consumer Data Index Report has revealed that members repeatedly shiver upon entering warehouses’ dairy sections. Members typically spend an average of 39 seconds retrieving eggs and milk.

“Providing value to our members is serious business,” Phillips explained. “The board finds it unacceptable for members of the Costco family to feel even the slightest level of discomfort as they navigate our Dairy Corner.”

To remedy the situation, Costco will offer a complimentary parka to each Costco member upon their entering the Dairy Corner. As of today, members will be required to wear the jacket.

“It’s a win-win for everyone,” Phillips went on. “Since the 2017 frostbite allegations, we’ve been super conscious of our members’ physical and emotional well-being as they browse our warehouses.”

Facing competition from online retailers such as Amazon and Alibaba, “Stay Warm, Stay Safe” is Costco’s way of adding an extra dimension to the in-store shopping experience, as it prepares for what CNBC Money has dubbed the “retail apocalypse.”

“We’re all in this together,” Phillips emphasized. “Our partner, Kirkland Signature, will manufacture the parkas. We’re extra excited about the proprietary blend of rabbit fur, coupled with feline fur — sourced from euthanized kittens — as well as the use of recycled Kirkland Signature baby wipes.”

We will continue to update this story.

Student @ Brown U. Author of NYTimes Bestseller ‘This is Me: Clickbait in My Bio.’